Tuesday, February 06, 2007
1:13 PM
Long time nv update, I doubt you will read this blog again.
Nonetheless, I would like to express my deepest apologies to you, my dearest for the mean things I have said and done.
Nothing I say will redeem me from this terrible mistake.
I hereby issue you a voucher for you to redeem anything k.
Muacks.
waiting for you
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
8:30 PM
Oopz long time really nv update! Guess I am pretty busy with my own blog and other stuff. Just wanna tell you I really appreciated you coming down to fetch me! This little surprise!~
I really thought you were in hall.
REally love the thoughtful you!
Yupz, that's the way baby... Surprises make my heart grow fonder of you!
Really miss you lotz when you weren't around. *Grin*
waiting for you
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
10:51 PM
Darling Jia yOu! We will work hard together... muacks...
waiting for you
Monday, July 03, 2006
11:18 PM
Darling, happy 35th monthiversary!
Muacks!
*Sorry no time to type a proper entry because it's getting super late, gotta sleep!*
waiting for you
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
12:23 AM
OOpz... realise I din update the blog for freaking long time already...
Thanks my darling, for being there with me for the past 2 months...
For taking the effort to travel for my sake, despite your tiredness....
For eating the food my mother cooked, even though you dun like...
For trying to fulfil my needs and wants...
For accompanying me here and there every weekend...
For not feeling vexed most of the time and patiently answer my questions...
For never despise that I am getting fatter and not taking effort to go on a diet...
For worrying about me whenever I went out with friends late...
For being there for me whenever I feel sad, insecure and losing confidence...
For encouraging me...
For loving me...
I love you darling!!!
I might not have time for you after 3rd July... But my heart will never stop missing you...
waiting for you
Monday, May 15, 2006
1:17 PM
Darling ya, thanks for the trip to Batam ya!~ You always wanna make sure that I will be happy despite your own tiredness!
Despite it's so freaking expensive to go to the town area, despite we only can stay there for 1 hour, you still brought me there for A&W! Hehe...
muacks! Love you~~~
I know you love me too~~~
*I am trying to type out our trip to Batam! Will post in my own blog... dunno when...*
waiting for you
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
3:16 PM
Thank you darling for the lunch cum breakfast at Crystal Jade Kitchen at Jurong Point... Delicious~~~ despite my stomach not feeling well, I still appreciate the freshness of the prawn and the lightness and sweetness of the porridge... Of course! Not forgetting the yummy Shark Fin soup with lots of ingredient and shark fins!!!!
waiting for you
Monday, May 01, 2006
1:34 PM
| You Are A Professional Girlfriend! |
 You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy. |
waiting for you
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
9:11 AM
Had a lot of things to tell u... waited for u from 10plus to 12am... subconciously waited for u from night til morning... you called once (I think, or izit in my dreams??)... it was a rush one... and I can't rem what we talked about... All I know is you hang up fast, so fast that you gave me no chance to tell you that I miss you... and I have alot of things to tell you...
- there is a new Sakae sushi near JP
- I told you I wan to buy a BATA shoe rite? search for days only to realise JP has BATA
- Dunno JP BATA got the shoe I wan anot
- I am excited, can't wait til the next day to go JP
- I couldn't get to deep sleep, just like the day before
- I still miss you
- I vomit again, more blood... I am scared...
- My table is super blardy messy
- and I forgot to buy the big big tape
- Does your headache attack you again?
- I want to go to the funeral, do you think I should go?
I hope to tell you these little little things so that it will kinda distract you from the unhappy things... I hope you can overcome the grief of losing your beloved Grandma (whom I know really dotes on you)... I dunno whether this will work coz I have no chance to talk to you... guess you are busy and tired... same here... tired mentally...
waiting for you
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
12:52 AM
Luckily you called... hahah!
Do you know that I almost cry when I hear your voice???
Tat's me I guess, too sentimental... Too cry-baby...
waiting for you
brought my laundry to wash, waiting for it now... OOppz... sorry nv help u to wash urs... u know lah, I am just a weak gal.... If my clothes are not flooding my room (physically hor, not the smell nope no smell de), I won't bother...
Vomited again... those bread, vegetarian curry, peanuts came out like nobody business...
Miss your shokubutsu smell lingering around you....
If I nv sms you, would you bother to reply and check what I am doing???
Damn freaking tired... guess I can only sleep at 1.30am... sad sad sad
Did your family members ask you about me? *wondering*
May not be a good time to ask so I din ask you... but this is the first time I show face rite... Kinda care abt pple's impressions and opinions abt me... *blushed*
I am just... not tactful enough...
I guess you dun really miss me... coz you dun bother to look for phone to call me... and reply only those I ask you... darling, pls open up k... waiting for that day when you will talk to me more... am I demanding too much from you???
waiting for you
Sunday, April 16, 2006
7:43 PM
seems ages when I last post about something unhappy abt you... Doesnt mean nothing happen, it just mean I am lazy to type, or it could be a series of events that is hard to describe, or simply it is not worth my effort to write...
I understand, really... that it's your Grandma's death and you are really upset over it...
I am upset too, because someone has passed away, because you are unhappy, because my xiaobaobei died too...
What upset me most today is your attitude... Of coz, you must be busy there but a little gesture of offering to bring your friend(s) to the area where the funeral is is a form of courtesy... I am sure if it's your friends you will surely offer to fetch them from the MRT...
Please don't ASSUME that everyone know the area as well as you do... Certainly after 2 years together, you know that I am bad at directions... Even if in the past few attempts I manage to find my way home doesnt render me a navigation expert... What's worst is you ask me what happen... Probably this is something small to you, but it mean alot to me...
It's not the first time that you abandon me and leave me alone to find my way to the destination (there is AT Least twice - Rotaract Event at Fort Canning)... You assume that I can do it... does it come to you that I am not as strong as you think I am? Does it occur to you that I MIGHT lose my way and some accident happen to me??
That's you - You want to assume all responsibility, to your club, your hall, your work and study, your family and left me fending for myself... I am tired, really tired... Everytime something happen, you will leave me by myself... I wanted to get inside your heart, to care for you and everything that happen to you... But you shut me out, and throw me into deep abyss and I have to climb back up to your heart... That's tiring...
I am tired, really do...
when will you open up?
waiting for you
Monday, April 10, 2006
9:58 PM
Woohoo~ finally decided that we will go Batam for my graduation trip... hehe... $200++ per pax, spa included~ cheap cheap cheap...
*looking forward*
waiting for you
Monday, February 27, 2006
1:00 AM
u already made the decision, y bother to ask me wat to do...
since u already decided, will my answer made any difference to your decision...?
*pissed off*
waiting for you
I went to your room... felt better and did all my best to smile at you...
But in the end, I feel so lonely eating noodles...
If I really wanna eat alone, I wouldn't ask you to join me...
You cheated my feelings....
You left me in the pantry alone...
I hate you....
waiting for you
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
3:09 PM
Again and again, u disappoint me!
The date is already set and yet, u do this to me!
Maybe to you, it's something small
but from this incident, I can see your priorities and
sadly, I am not among them.
As usual, u pay higher regard to work than me.
This is not the first time, nor it will be the last.
Your suggestions sux!
I have already told you about this date
and I know even if there will be work to do,
I will prefer to spend time with you,
even at the expense of burning midnight oil!
CAN YOU START LOOKING THINGS FROM MY POINT OF VIEW???
I am so tired of nagging at you, you think it's so fun to get angry???
You think it's so easy to blog?
And you continue to ignore my pleas and
continue to do things at your own pace and will.
AND YOU ALREADY FORGET TO WRITE FOR ME EVERY NIGHT!
Mr Tan, this is not the way to do things.
Everytime when I get angry, you will start to panic,
wake up real early to buy breakfast for me,
start to write in the book,
start to vomit and have headache,
To others, this is called concern.
If you are not concerned about me, you wouldn't even bother to look at me.
But to me, this is meaningless; doing things at the last minute doesn't help you much. Should there be one day that I died, what will then happen?
Please visualise it yourself.
waiting for you
Monday, February 13, 2006
11:44 AM
I look forward with a cheerful mind to meet you to sign the documents.
In the end, your irresponsibility never fails to irritate me.
I don't remember you telling to meet you at Eight-flags hor!
And try to smoke me by saying I have a poor memory!!
I even sms you when I m at canteen A that I am going to SAO hor!!!
And you din even sms me that I get the place wrong!!!!
The worse thing is you din even read my sms!!!!!
The worst thing is you even take so long to ans my call,
and you still dare to say you still in project meeting!!!!!!
The next worst thing is you take longer time to reach 8flags than me when I already try my best to meet you before the end of the appointed time!!!!!!!
The final thing is I NEED TO SPEAK FOR YOU WHEN THE GUY ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR ADDRESS!!!!!!!!
The ultimate is WE COULDN'T SIGN THE CONTRACT B'COZ OF YOUR IC!!!!!!!
IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE BREAK-DOWN OF MISCOMMUNICATION AND IRRESPONSIBILITY!
Please lor, Mister. It's your life, your laptop, your IC. Even if I am your gf, I only take half of it. The other half is still yours loh! I am not in charge of your life, neither do I owe you anything. Dun take me for granted!
I have already discharged my responsibility by asking you at least 6 months ago to update your address in your IC, by meeting you to sign the contract despite the sweat, anger and frustrations, by making sure that I wake up on time to sign the contract despite my tiredness.
Quote from my msn nick:
If you can't even be responsible to your own IC, what else can I ask from you???
waiting for you
If time means...
burning out passion,
degrading sensitivity,
exhausting spirit,
diluting excitement,
impairing endurance,
subduing vitality,
extinguishing love,
then I rather live in eternity,
where time cease to exist,
where there is only you and me...
waiting for you
Bet you will only read this post 10 years later or after I tell you to or when you are surfing Net to kill your serious boredom...
Bet you have forgot all your promises as "promises are meant to be broken" [quote Mr Tan]
Do you still rem to write every night in your little booklet? *IT'S TOO LATE TO START WRITING NOW IF YOU HAVENT DO SO~!!! AND Do you still rem to show me?
I have to say thanks to you, for the learning experience for the past 925 days which is equivalent to 2 years, 6 months, 10 days
I have learnt to talk fluently, for you dun talk to me
I have learnt to speak up, for you never argue with me
I have learnt to be lonely, for you dun listen to me
I have learnt to be happy, for you always make me sad
I have learnt to grow strong, for you always hurt me
I have learnt to take care, for you dun take care of me
I have learnt to threaten, for you never keep to your promises
I have learnt to be heartless, all thanks to your training
and thanks all to your training, I have learnt to grow up.
You may think that I am overly demanding and especially unreasonable. YES, I am, especially forced to do so.
I have to admit that I have seen changes in you for that past but then you are still very much keep to yourself. I seriously only have a simple wish:- You are a happy man. I wish to see you open up and not keep EVERYTHING to yourself. Your girlfriend likes to share everything with you!
Moreover, you breached your words to take care of her, or I shall say you have never promise to take care of her. Can you treasure her like everyday is the last day of you two together? Do you rather want to grieve and sob in front of her tomb , regreting that you have not toldl her some of the words that you wanted to let her know?
I will leave words in my msn, sometimes leave notes on my table deliberately so that you will see. BUT you always fail to do so! Can you kindly be more observant?
And mind you, you dun live in a world of your own. THERE ARE OTHERS IN THIS WORLD!!! These include your family, relatives, your girlfriend, and your girlfriend's family and relatives. I wish to see you interact with others confidently and happily, and not always on your own in a corner eating gua zi.
*
**
***
****
*I have bold all the key words for you, the little things I hope to see in you.
If you have not observed them, I really have nothing to say.*
waiting for you
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
4:17 PM
Hehe… ur silly darling… let me count how many times I have cried missing u… don’t be heart pain k… coz it’s a good thing that I miss u… muacks…
Sunday:
when u left my room to go back and pack ur things, suddenly I realize I am going to miss u a lot…
Mon:
• Morning in the bus when u going to put down the phone
• On the bus back hall, when I realize that u are not with me, and I recount the number of times I cried missing u…
• When I am typing this in the evening, after mentioning to hq about ur absence, and seeing your msg that u may be able to book out…
• When I typing my next post (which I forgot to post)…
Tues:
When I mentioned to Mr. DnD chair about your absence
When you called me during the bus ride back hall in the evening...
Hope that’s all coz I promise you that I will be strong… will update as I count the days towards Saturday…
Alright… life without u sux like hell…. No one share my noodles with me… no one warned me not to overeat… no one help me wash pot… no one watch tv with me… no one listen to me… and no one wipe my tears away…
waiting for you
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
12:07 AM
Dear Mr. Tan,
You must have thought that I am a heartless person. Indeed, women are devoted but heartless creatures. I don’t deny, for I ignore you when you sprain your shoulder and I am the cause to that.
Well, it’s you! You doubted me. Yeah, it’s you! Even if you don’t mean it, but you sound so! At least, that’s the impression you give me! I seriously don’t think a boyfriend should ever doubt his girlfriend; trust is the key to maintaining relationship.
And you let your girlfriend walk thru’ the dark cold journey back hall, subjected to the possibility of getting raped by the roaming workers around. In addition, your girl has headache and stomachache… YES! Stomachache! That’s why I don’t want to eat your panadol. Coz I just want to get back hall and rest.
I seriously appreciated your effort of bringing the panadol over for me. But the fact that you doubted my honesty and integrity makes my blood boils whenever I think about it. Yeah, I know I seems to distort the fact but women are unreasonable creatures who believe that she is right.
The last thing that you will totally give up hope on me is that, I am turning in for the night. Good night, enjoy your trip to the doctor, and do email me the diagnosis of the sprain.
Yours truly,
Little Piglet
waiting for you
Sunday, September 18, 2005
1:32 AM
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 71% Pure |
For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing |
waiting for you
Friday, September 16, 2005
11:35 PM
16th September 2005, whole day from 11am to 8pm, Really Sunny~
*Picture not Available*
We finally went to J.B. le! we took train to Kranji and then Bus 170 into causeway custom… quite fast! although we have slight disagreement along the way, we still manage to get there…
10.30am Rinse & Shine! although we plan to wake up at 7am, nonetheless, we still wake up early! (compared to our usual 12pm)
11.05am Walk to the bus stop… the journey was rather smooth, however we quarrel on our way there… maybe I was too demanding on some aspects, but I really hope to enjoy every single second with u… and I hope u feels this way too!
1.10 pm City Square was quite near the custom checkpoint – only approx. 10 mins of walk! but need to put up with that strong sun and heat! We were sitting in a Restaurant called Sedap Corner, similar to Northpoint’s Sakura but cheaper… Food was nice, esp when we r sharing! We ate Furong egg, a plate of rice (satu nasi), claypot ee mee, & fried calamaris. The waiter was rather sweet, even helped me get a plate when I never request! But of course, my darling is still the sweetest of all! total only spent like S$10 and we were both very full already! we shall try Robin’s Portuguese Chicken next time, like quite nice leh! Not forgetting the Swinging bench at Marrybrown Fast Food!
1.30pm Walk around the whole Mall… Especially Level 3! Managed to get some clothes after all!
3.25pm Express Manicure & Pedicure at Gugo… They used O.P.I nail polish, quite expensive one (RM50.00) compared to xiao mei used one (S$2.90)… haha… Blood red on Toe nails and metallic pink on hands… The lady quite merticulous, patiently redoing my left 4th and right pinky finger… Actually I dun really mind the slight flaws, haha… was thinking of telling her never mind but… since she wanted, let her do loh… but in the end, my left thumb one still buang! so sad!
4.15pm Rest at Viking Café… Abit disappointed with it and I know u r very dissatisfied with this choice… although the staff were friendly, the food’s standard has deteriorated… (I rem that years ago, the hotdogs and cocktails were fantanstic de) in addition, his memory not very good; told him I wan only ketchup, he gave us everything… Make everything so messy and I hate my food so messy one, I believe u dun like the food either… Maybe should choose the near-by’s Sushi King instead?
4.30pm Roam around and ended up in a weird wulu shopping mall… too hot, decided to walk back to city square… Check out the KtV rate and cinema rate… Jaws Drop! lowest to watch a movie is Rm5 (=approx. S$2.50)!!! how come singapore one so expensive!!! their K-lunch is only rm8 (maybe got surcharge and taxes but dun care)!!!
6.10pm Me running a slight fever & my darling got that splitting headache (that would turn him into a beast!)… decided to head back hall… though my sweet darling suggest to go back Yishun first (to pass mum the clothes) & take cabby back hall, how can I bear to let my darling suffer! We shall GO back hall straight away!
8pm Hall Sweet Hall
waiting for you
Thursday, September 15, 2005
4:35 PM
9th Mistake: Dun attempt to spoilt my things!
... esp my latch! tat will be the 12830 times u damage my latch!
I told u ALOT Of times liao...
u know how troublesome anot!
need to email the hall office, dunno when they will come (coz I juz dun like to see them)
and plus my room is in a total mess! (I hate pple to see my room so messy!)
.........
10th Mistake: DUN LIe!
I never see u hold anything loh, and u said u brought food for me? - -'''
I hate liars, esp when the liar is u!
..........
Go Back and reflect ur mistake!
I rather die of hunger than open the door for u~!!!!
11th Mistake: Never Check your blog for updates!
waiting for you
"原来在你心目中我是那么自私的。。。 "
Everything was okay, probably up til 3.30am...
We was planning to go JB, planning to wake up @ 7pm (which I doubt we can)...
I juz have the premonition that we wont go & I dunno y...
.
Truly, we woke up @9pm... u said still okay, let's go...
but seeing that your nose was blocked, u seem sick and last nite you have ur terrible headache (with vomit sympton), I was really worried that you are not in the condition to go...
So, I wanna check with u whether u okay anot...
dun understand... y ur reply is so angry... (ur 1st mistake)
AS IF I M THE ONE WHO DUN WANNA GO!
not the first time u r maligning me (I rem u said similar things last nite)
AND... I M REALLY ANGRY!
..
Okay, since u said I m selfish (2nd mistake), I shall go back to Zzz...
though u tried coaxing me, i m so sorry but NO USE...
...
and u treat like nothing happen... (3rd mistake)
....
and u really go back to Zzz (4th mistake)
.....
Okay, since u show no intention to really wanna go...
then let's juz f****** miss that stupid JB trip! (5th mistake)
......
12pm... dun understand y u muz turn me over when u wanna talk to me! (6th mistake)
if u wanna say something, JUST SAY IT!
do u know it's very painful!
u think struggling is fun izit!
do u know how much strength I gotta use to combat with u!
this is not the first time, and I believe wont be the last!
.......
When I say something, LISTEN & DO IT!
I mean what I say~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u nv listen to me... (7th mistake)
........
even when u did, u dont do wat I say... (8th mistake)
I have to repeat 463519 times and u still ignore me!
This is the most fatal mistake u made &
I HATE U!!!
waiting for you
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
8:34 PM
wanna share with my darling... *sob* I cried when I finished reading it...
_____________________________________________________________________________________
It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,
:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?
:Alright, give me 5 minutes.
:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.
:I need to get ready.
:Alright, make it fast then.
2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself.
Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.
5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch.
10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident?
15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.
:Why are you so late?
He wasn't even a lil' bothered: Nahz, was watching TV.
:What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?
I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him.
:Sorry.
This was the first time he said sorry to me...
He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl.
I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.
He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.
The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry.
I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises.
He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.
Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes.
Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.
Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised.
I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again.
If you can never change, then don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time.
He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.
Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.
I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.
:What's wrong with you these few days?
:Nothing.
:Then why are you acting so strange?
:I am not.
:What can you say other than this answer?
: Do you know I'm very woried, very insecure, do you treat me as your girlfriend?
:I'm sorry...
:I don't want to hear you say sorry again.
I put down the phone and he did not call back.
He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up.
....this was the 99th time he said sorry...
From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.
Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall
but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up?
After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him.
I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.
:excuse me, is XxX here today?
:I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.
:Huh? Why? When was that?
:He hasn't been in school for a month already.
: oh erms...thanks.
One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home.
Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone....
I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.
How can it be? The whole family migrated?
It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace.
I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend.
He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.
:Hey, what have you been doing? XxX is in hospital.
:REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?
:he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.
:I'll be right there.
I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there.
I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.
He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,
:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me?
He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.
:Come on answer me...why don't you speak?
A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...
:I'm...sorry...
After that, his eyes went shut.
:Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me?
on't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please.
I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out..
:Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead?
:I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...
:If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes.....
That was the 100th sorry
A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up...
My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black.
He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore.
But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.
He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart.
would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore.
After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was
a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry.
The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.
I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then,
before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?
The second time, my dear, I...
The third time, my dear, I...
The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world,
It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger....
You are the first girl I apologised to.
And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life...
Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you...
Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear...
I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XxX
How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.
The last photograph was of him in the hospital,
Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.
His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th.
At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.
:I'm sorry.
I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....
waiting for you
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
2:39 AM
Y y y...? we always quarrel when our monthiversary drew near...
as usual, we quarrelled again...
I really hate u...
y u alwayz give me those sianz look...?
Am I giving u pressure? or do u really hate to see me???
Am I so destestable?
2 years... nope, less than 2 years...
juz 1 year 11 mths and 25 days, and u r starting to get tired of me...
u alwayz said tat I keep putting words into ur mouth, but did u ask urself y???
who do u think makes me feel this way...?
or u thought that I m juz being unreasonable, throwing temper only...
u thought that after a while, I will be alright and we will get back together again...
STOP THINKING THIS WAY! I dun throw temper for nothing!
dun think that after I throw temper on u, we can patch and everything will be okay...
dun think that when i say, "dun come into my room again!", u can still open my door...
dun think that when u say sorry, I will forgive u...
I had given u time to coax me... u know wat I want, u know wat I m like...
u know it and we discussed it over and over alot of times...
but u dun care...! u choose to sit there patiently and wait for me to start talking...
y can't u take the initiative to coax me?
Y muz I alwayz be the one to start talking...?
y muz I be the one to be alwayz talking!
I thought we are together...
but I m wrong...
u alwayz say I have u by my side... but y would I feel lonely sometimes?
y did I feel tat I m talking to myself sometimes...
am i juz a commodity?
something u can have but if it's not there, u can still survive...
sometimes I juz feel that u can do without me...
I really dunno... I lost the definition of me in ur heart...
I have lost faith...
I have lost me...
and u...

waiting for you
Monday, May 09, 2005
11:11 AM
昨天,我和妹起了争执。其实就像平常一样,但我哭了。我想她受不了我,也回房间哭了吧。哭的原因其实有很多。其中包括了她骂人的语气和态度。被她骂不是第一次。她说她怕我喊她,其实我怕她更多。双子座的性情众所周知,我常常都在害怕,怕她稍微不悦,就会性情大变。所以我尽量迁就她,希望有一天,她能看得到。她要什么,我都会尽量满足她。就算我身在宿舍,她的要求我会尽量做到。但她是那种“只准周官放火,不准百姓点灯”的人。只有她可以占人便宜,但要占她的便宜犹如登天,只能看她的心情吧。
记得那一次,她要一双鞋,我就要求你拿给她。当时是凌晨一点多,已经没有交通工具了,只剩下昂贵的计程车,但还是送去了。也许她早已忘记了,但我还是希望她能够感受到我的心。
大家都认为我很计较,但其实我很简单。只要和我说一声,就可以用我的东西。这只是基本的礼貌,要做得到有那么难吗?我常常在想,也许我并不是他们亲生的吧。从小,我就这么觉得。也许是自卑感在作祟,但这感觉的源头是来自他们呀!
记得最近发生的事:老爸对小妹就千一百顺,她要什么都有。例如外套,一套要大约一百元。老爸都买给她。而我向老爸要时,他要我跟小妹借。我解释不可能一直借下去,因为总有一天,我们两个都会同时需要的。但他回应:“到时再说吧。”听到这番话,我真得很伤心。想起妈说的:“只要你们开口,你老爸一定会买”,我不愿苟同。我想应该改成:“只要小妹开口,你老爸一定会买” 。我了解,他赚钱辛苦,能省就应该省。但他这种态度,加上小妹的情绪化和有时又吝啬的个性,我想借外套简直难如登天。 (借东西不是重点,重点是不公平的对待)
看着我周遭的朋友,都好像很幸福。出国,学车,买衣服,电话都是他们老爸赞助的。我并不是不了解,老爸是想让我们学习独立,自力更生。但我做不到,也懒得去做。我只想像同龄的朋友一样,在这个还在成长的过程中,享受自由,不愿被金钱和工作束缚着。在这有限的时间里,做无限的事,望能留下美好的记忆,不带走任何遗憾。但,我做不到。没有了金钱这重要的虚荣品,谁都做不到。
自杀,这个念头我曾经想过,而且不止一次。但自杀需要勇气。我指的并不是要面对自杀时的疼痛和将要离开这世界的痛苦。而我没有勇气,不敢面对的是:万一我死了,没有人会为我伤心难过。
我承认,有时我太小题大做,有时又太斤斤计较。但如果仔细推敲,其实不难发现其实我要得很简单 – 一份最基本的爱。
waiting for you
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
11:35 AM
Really glad u rem forever where I wan to go and I really appreciate that you took the trouble to find out how to get there and from there to Sentosa... I simply love the way u took kare of me! *feeling secured when u r around*
Morning, we went to Jalan Bersah for the Chicken rice ball. Fantastic! It taste especially nice when u r around... but wanna let u know something...
.
..
...
Next time dun eat so fast! haha (not the first time I told u le)... But I feel tat food are not meant juz for filling the stomach, it is for enjoyment, not juz personal but also the joy of eating with the one u love... Do rem wor~ ^_-
.........................................................................................................................................................................

Today is our 1st day in Sentosa~ wooohoooo~ a very hot day!!! I know u juz wanna stay in and 'nua'... haha... lazy darling... but we decided to went to check out Underwater World first... Although in the end, we never went in.. hehe... sorry darling, I spoilt your plans again... Anyway, we went Harbour Front for a walk... Juz walking with u side by side is a bliss... *smile sweetly*
waiting for you
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
3:38 PM
hehe... those who had seen my blog have a common response...
"you are lazy!!!!", "y no photos?" "y not updated one!!!"
wat can I say~?!?! Reasons why I dun blog so often:
1. Blogger.com is slow
2. No time coz time is spent with Mr Tan
3. Mr Tan is too nicey~ (dun you notice tat I mostly blog when I m angry with him; this is an avenue for me to 出气)
4. NTU network is too slow
5. No digicam
6. If got photos, very troublesome to upload
7. I m not my sis, not obsessed with photos
8. HTML is not friendly; need time to get friendly with it but then... *refer to #2*
9. I m trying to break the academic curse of getting Cs... but then in the end, time is channelled to levelling up at Maple Story
10. Blogging make me feel stupid *refer to #8*
11. VCDs and Maple Story are more interesting than blogging
12. eh... *thinking thinking thinking*
Anyway, dun care la... this blog is for ah tan wat... and deadline to get this blog up and running is our 1st anniversary... so after exams then say...
please pray for me hor... I need lots of tat~~ te gong, guang yin ma, tua bei gong and every shen, pls bo bi!
waiting for you
Monday, April 04, 2005
2:36 PM
Congratulations to Miss Lin and Mr Tan!
They had yet survived another crisis and brought their relationship to the next level!
Sorry darling... my selfishness overcome me again...
Broke up with you and break your heart for the 2nd time...
However your persistance (坚持到底) and incalculative nature had impressed me!
I guess, thos are all I lacked and wat I desired and wat attracted me to you...
even though I treated you badly, you still treated me the same as before!
Love you for everything!
Let's work even harder for the relationship k...
I promise, I will change my wilful side and become your sweetest princess
and you have to work hard to become my "powerful" prince...
And there will be a day when "the prince and the princess lived happily ever after..."
Muacks!
waiting for you
Happy Birthday, Darling~
Today is a special day coz 24 years ago, a special person was born...
24 years later, this special person has another special creation by his side *Ahem*
Sorry darling, got projects and quizzes and exams preparations... wat to do...
no time to buy your presents, prepare surprises and no birthday cake...
And I am not the first, second nor third person to wish you happy birthday!!! *sob*
Hope you like the small surprise I prepared for you...
I m a bad dearie of yours... coz I dunno how to please you and make you happy...
But please remember that I will be your side, no matter wat happen...
Hope you like the cards made for u! all made with love from me!
muz treasure k~
muacks~
waiting for you
Thursday, March 03, 2005
11:35 PM
was very pissed off this morning... coz I wanna eat mac breakfast!!!
BUT...
I gave all my money to u yesterday!
eh... but nvm, I got ATM card!
BUT when i reach ATM,
"This ATM machine is temporary out of service" *sadx10*
NVM~ got Ezlink! but I FORGOT TO BRING Ezlink!!!!
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH~
*sadx1million*
So I tried to call u but u still Zzzing! I was soooo angry tat's y I rant at u the moment u picked up the phone... sorry darling! I was alwayz so bad-tempered!
But then again, tat's me... heez... the one u like... cannot regret hor!
went to Zzz...
when i woke up, i got mac lunch! heez... moreover u told me abt every little things u met on the street... heez... *I feel sooo happy when u share those interesting things with me... when u talk to me abt every little things abt u...*
went home today... got a surprise gift from Tianming... was shocked and dunno how to react to such things... but i m curious: y u sound abit happy when u heard abt it...? haha...
waiting for you
Monday, February 14, 2005
11:35 PM
你只許疼我一個人, 要愛我, 不能騙我,
答應我的每件事都要做到,
對我講的每句話都要真心,
不許欺負我. 罵我, 要相信我.
別人欺負我, 你要第一時間出來幫我;
我開心, 你要陪我開心;
我不開心, 你要哄我開心;
永遠覺得我最漂亮;
夢裡要夢到我;
在你心裡只有我。
就這簡單而已
waiting for you
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
11:06 AM
忘了是怎麼開始 也許就是對你一種感覺
忽然間發現自己 已經深深愛上你
(爱)真的很簡單
愛的地暗天黑都已無所謂
是是非非無法抉擇
沒有後悔 為愛日夜去跟隨
那個瘋狂的人是我
I LOVE YOU 無法不愛著你 BABY
說你也愛我
I LOVE YOU
永遠都不願意 失去你
-爱很简单-
waiting for you
darling ya, last nite see u headache, i was so worried!
worried til i forgot i was having headache too~
seeing u in pain makes my heart ache and i can't do anything for u!
i feel so useless... tell u the truth:
even when i went to get water for u, i was very scared for the dark (u know la)...
tis morning din wake u up too~ u almost late for ur paper!
sorry darling!
after u left, my tummy give me problems again...
i dun dare to call u coz u were already running late for ur paper...
i sit on the floor and stoned, dun dare to move coz i scared i faint again...
looking at my phone, i dunno who to call for help...
at tat point of time, i was worried, helpless and frightened!!!
without u, i was lost~
waiting for you
Sunday, November 07, 2004
10:37 PM
darling ya... miss ya sssoooooooooo muchz...
at home today... miss ya very much!!!
tml is your 2nd and 3nd paper... so dun wanna disturb u...
tat's y went home mah... i know u miss me coz i miss you as well...
~wanna hugz you and kiss you~
juz wanna tell you that i love u, i miss you...
miss your hugz and kisses... miss ur smile... miss ur laughter....
i miss your everything and miss you soooooo much!!!!
waiting for you
Saturday, September 11, 2004
8:30 PM
darling ah... darling... u r alwayz busy...
last nite is Rotaract Investiture... but I weren't there...
but u dun seem to mind my absent... and i was quite sad...
(Honestly speaking, i hope u will be there with me for every event, for every thing... and i hope the same thing goes for u... for eg, last yr JCRC rally, i hope u can pei wo... but sometimes, i juz feel that even when i m not there with u, it doesn't matter to u... for instance, during my investiture, i hope u will be there.. but for u, my absence make no difference... *sad*)
nevertheless... my sadness worsen when my accounting quiz buang... and ur indifference made me feel worst... haiz... not blaming u lah... juz wanna "su ku"...
Sat morning, i really wanna like pei ni, after ur lab take bus out of NTU to JP... juz tis small journey will do... but when u tell me tat u r meeting ur fellow maincommers at Canteen A, my heart sank and I cried...
though u subsequently pei wo for lunch, i know ur heart is not with me...
when u alight from the bus, i feel so lonely... i walked around in Northpoint but i still feel very lonely without u walking by my side...
when u tell me u were having a very bad headache, my heart ached... but i dun wanna disturb u... so i sent u my fav photo...
when u finally called me at 2 am plus, i was soooooo happy! coz i miz u soooo much and u finally call... Muackz...
waiting for you
Friday, September 03, 2004
8:09 PM
woah~ we been together 13 months le... and i m still loving you..!
you bought me a PINK Pierre Cardin Wallet! and a very sweet-looking strawberry cake from Breadtalk~~
wat can i say??? u really know me well... heez..
u know i like it, so u bought for me...
u know tat i will treasure my cake and dun bear to eat it...
so u bought 2 (1 for me to eat, the other for me to see)
u were so cute... trying to get the key from me... i know u were up to something but i juz dunno there were more then the wallet... *grin*
u even break ur piggy bank in order to buy me my prezzies... i know it and i really appreciate everything u have done for me... Muackzzz....!
waiting for you
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
2:00 AM
Luckily darling u no lab...
luckily darling u r the most understanding darling!!!
Luckily darling, u were there when i need u most...
luckily darling u won't scold me for crying over something that seem so minor....
luckily darling u won't feel vexed for me crying and crying and crying...
and luckily for me I found the best darling in the whole world...!
darling! I love You~!!!
waiting for you
Sunday, August 29, 2004
11:35 PM
darling ah, how i feel blessed with u around... alwayz take kare of my needs and wants... heez... thanks for the Oral B electronic toothbrush... thanks for taking cab back to NTU... thanks for wanting to help me stock up for the week... thanks for knowing wat i like and want to eat~
oh ya... not forgeting, for buying me the Oil (the one that babies always use de) coz u knows that my stomach was feeling uncomfortable... and tuck me into bed so that i will rest more... muacks!!!
Btw, my new pet hamster is intended for u... when i see u so happy playing with it, i feel so happy too~ glad u like it...! muacks...
waiting for you
Thursday, August 26, 2004
8:52 PM
darling ya, u muz have tot y i wanna meet u for a while today... heez..
coz...
coz...
coz...
*blush*
coz people today dressed abit nicer for u to see... but then no time to see u coz u got meeting, i got GE... tat's y wanna see u for a while... perhaps u nv notice, onli think tat i wanna show u my pink jacket... haiz... not the case la, blur blur... juz wanna "da ban" for u to see mah...
*tat's u bo liao darling*
*grin*
waiting for you
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
9:59 PM
Thanks darling!!! such a surprise to see u back in hall when u r still having lessons... moreover, a greater surprise from u when u ask me to change and brought me to Seoul Garden to eat...! wow... Ai ni! my wondrous darling... heez... juz love u giving me surprises and all.... but i dun like to hai ni to skip lessons... hmmm... sometimes juz feel that maybe it's my fault... haiz.... but then, ur willingness to pei wo around and even wan to buy me a Pierre Cardin wallet really make me feel so blessed~
~muacks~
*but muz rem leh... if next time u wanna buy me something, buy it secretly k... coz i like surprises and i can't reject the gift* =P
waiting for you
Sunday, August 22, 2004
12:31 AM
MuackZzzz, darling! thanks for the flower~ love u for the surprise... u may not realise... but i luv surprises as much as I luv u~ heez... and finally! i got the pink color wrapper, not the green, blue or yellow one... u remember!!! muackz! heez...
thanks darling... for accompanying me today... heez... it's enough... (*ahem* but i dun mind u give more lah) When u told me we will be going to Chinatown and then PizzaHut, i was so happy~ coz u alwayz rem what i told u... heez... and of coz, u rem to ask me... muacks~
anyway... miz hugging u to Zzz... miz looking at u while u were Zzzing... miz u miz u miz u lotz lotz... looking forward to see ya tml... i mean later in the afternoon~ love u!
waiting for you
Saturday, August 21, 2004
2:00 PM
Haiz... argue with u again... coz Ruiqin last min ask u to go for some chinese com stuff and it breaks our plan to Marina Bay to eat BBq Steamboat...
Yk says: darling....tolom..i need to attend a chinese com event till 6pm.......i think
pQ says: huh?
Yk says: rui qin juz msg me....
pQ says: oh
pQ says: huh~
pQ says: =(
Yk says: u still want to go steamboat?
pQ says: dun wan lah
Yk says: u and meloy go first....
pQ says: so late...
Yk says: then i join u all ....
Yk says: later...okie?
pQ says: dun wan
Yk says: y?
pQ says: dun wan
Yk says: darling sorri...
Yk says: pls....i want to eat...steamboat....
pQ says: suan le lah... alwayz like tat de
u always like that de leh~! so many commitments.... so many things to do... not trying to blame u or wat lah... haiz... who ask my darling to be so popular and 38, every muz chap de... u told me u wanna be Rotaract President next yr.... i really wonder if u really become Prez, u have even less time to spend with me le... how sad and lonely will i be???
And hor~ U nv try to coax me de... sometimes i am really very sad loh~ wat can i say? coz ur reasons will be "u r not good at it mah..." who can i blame... who ask me to like u...
darling, alwayz hear that u have headache, my heart aches... u nv take kare of urself even though u ask me to... u alwayz do things that worries me but yet assure me that u can manage; in the end my heart still aches... I know time is nv enough for u but i wan u to know that if u dun rest u will take up even more time recuperating... Muackzzz... muz rem what i say wor~
waiting for you
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
10:11 PM
Wow~ thanks darling! gave me $50 to take cab back from IMM and for me to buy tidbits... in the end... erm... i really spent the full $50.... haha... hey, i really tot i will pay u back de hor~!
anyway, heez... really enjoy the shopping trip... long time nv done this le... but i really hope u can come along too... coz i wan my darling to enjoy himself too...
but nevertheless, i bought stuff for u hor... got sweets from MiniToons, Memo board and marker from Daiso and of coz, Jin zhen gu and fruits and tidbits from Giant... gan dong boh??? heez...!
darling even help me to bring my stuff back to my room... heez... love u for that... muackz...
but sorry darling, u called i nv ans... and in the end, u have to make do with the western food which is the onli food left in Hall Canteen...
(but sound sumptious leh) ~lolz~
waiting for you
Sunday, August 15, 2004
10:56 PM
~went Chinese Drama as mr Don sell his tixz~
heez, we went to the Chinese Drama Play call "我们,你们,她们" b'coz mr Don needs to sell at least 3 tixz... actually, i wanna watch tis play long ago le but scared u dun wanna watch with me... Heez~ glad u suggested that we go and watch!!!
anyway, that day was abit mafan coz need to help MyMelody to buy her shoes... and we had a little tiff... BUT! nevertheless, u rem that I have tis mission to accomplish and brought me out of NTU earlier to get the job done...
、
Darling~ I really appreciate that u remember almost everything I wanna do, anything I wanna eat and never make me feel that u feel it's troublesome to get it, no matter how mafan the thing is... although I always see ya so pekchek but in the end u will smile at me and said, "darling, we go okie?" that's y even up til now, i still love u as much as possible~
waiting for you
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
11:35 PM
Got this idea from Jie's blog... heez... hmmm.... decide to do up this blog and give u as an anniversary present... The date today is 3rd of August 2004, 11.35pm... exactly a year after u pop the question... heez... so u will get this present on 3rd of August 2005, 11.35pm....
MuackZzzzzzz~
~Today is our first year Anniversary~
u already got ur prezzie, ie the Cross Stitch pillow which took me like nine months to complete this project... and a card with my photo on it... hmmm... where's mine??? =P
i know u told me no prezzies for me... u tried to fulfil my requests... BBq, PizzaHut, Fish 'n' Co...
i dun wan all this, that's y i choose a simple meal with u...
but it seems to be very difficult to even juz spend 1 hr of ur time to cook and to sit down and have a meal...
u r alwayz full of things to do...
And u nv understand the meaning behind all this...
i juz wan to have dinner with my darling, that's all...
that's wat i really wan, everytime i drag u to Mac, to Hall Canteen, i juz wanna sit down and have a meal with u... but u nv understand, and u really go and buy the things i wanted...
and come back with the food and either went to zzz or left me alone...
haiz... when can i make u understand?
hope that by the time u see tis blog, u already know what i really wan...
muacks~ *love u forever*
waiting for you